


Miles to Go Before I Sleep

by sablesheep



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Gen, Hinted Vriska/Kanaya palerom, Post-Game survival I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-16
Updated: 2012-11-16
Packaged: 2017-11-18 19:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/564349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sablesheep/pseuds/sablesheep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it's hard to wake up every morning and know everything you ever dreamed of is gone forever. It's even harder when you wake up in a planet that's not your own and realize, finally, that nothing is ever going to get better. Until things do.</p><p>Post-Game. Kanaya deals with the realization that Alternia is gone for good and the fact that, yes, Rose Lalonde might actually be Earth's most singularly perfect being. Not that she's biased, or anything.</p><p>(spoiler alert: it ends happily, pinky swear).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miles to Go Before I Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired in part by my headcanon that as the keeper of the Matriorb, Kanaya grew up expecting something very specific out of her life that can't be replaced with any other given purpose. Because when you grow up thinking the fate of your race is in your hands, you don't really make too many contingency plans.
> 
> Also because I'm a knitter and I'm a total sucker for yarn-related romance.

Kanaya wakes up her fifteenth morning on earth curled up in a strange bed, her head buried beneath what seems like a mountain of blankets and still shivering wildly. It's more from shock than from cold, seeing as the Lalondes keep their house rather well heated but all the same she huddles up in on herself.

There's a pained sort of numbness radiating out from her chest and her brain is still trying to reconcile itself with the current events while simultaneously mourning everything all at once. She dimly remembers that everyone else is huddled up around the house in varying states of distress and she really should get up and get things in order, begin forming an action plan or at least tending to everyone.

But she can't. She can't. All she wants to do is lie here, fighting to breathe past the gaping wound that feels like her chest is threatening to implode. She wants to scream, to cry to rage-- but it's all too much. Even the pristine lavender-scented, lilac-trimmed sheets are an assault on her optical cavities. 

She's dimly aware that there's something incredibly familiar about where she's sleeping, the color and scent alike. It smells like lavender but there's a hint of smoky incense and a sharp, false floral smell thrown in there as well that Kanaya wants to sneeze at. 

She can hear someone else shuffling around the room, trying to be as quiet as possible and faintly thinks 'that's queer' but then realizes it isn't, really, because there can only be so many bedrooms and there are twenty of them huddled up in the house. Kanaya supposes she should take it as a compliment to her relationship that she's cuddled up in the bed while her hostess camps out on the floor but... does it matter?

No. No, because she doesn't have a home and while Miss Lalonde is certainly at an inconvenience hosting eighteen (Roxy doesn't count, really) additional beings in her home, she still has a home. A lovely home.

"Kanaya..." Rose murmurs, the sound muffled through the three duvets and two quilts piled up over Kanaya's head. "Can I get you anything?"

She doesn't respond, hoping if Rose thinks she's asleep she'll go away and Kanaya can finally be left alone to cry properly. And then maybe if they all go away--

"Okay. Well. I'll bring you up some tea." Rose rubs her back softly. "I know everyone would love to see you at breakfast, Kanaya. Are you sure?"

Kanaya hides her face beneath the pillow. 

"Well... I'll go away now. Leave you alone."

Kanaya wants to respond. She wants to pull herself out of her blanket nest and sit up and cry and let Rose pull her into her arms and then she can spend the rest of the morning inhaling the scent of Rose's orchid and lilac perfume and pretend there's nothing wrong. 

But it seems like there's miles to go to reach the safety of Rose's embrace and she's too afraid of the abyss to brave the space between. Rose sighs, softly, and a few minutes later Kanaya hears the door click shut. 

She thinks its a few hours before Rose returns, but she can't really tell because it's nothing but a flood of thoughts that make her let out little gasping sobs and there's always the sudden flares of remembrance that she doesn't have a future or a culture or anything left of Alternia but her eleven countrymen downstairs. 

Rose doesn't say anything but she does tug back the blankets just enough so that Kanaya is momentarily blinded by the sunshine. 

"Kan." Rose murmurs, brushing a few stray strands of black, lank hair off of her forehead. Kanaya wants to apologize for the fact that it's unwashed and more than a little disgusting but who actually cares at this point. "Can I do anything? Anything at all?"

Kanaya doesn't respond, burying her face into her pillow. Rose sinks onto the edge of the bed, her hands running over her hair with a strange sort of pity that Kanaya feels stupid thinking of as pity because it's _clearly_ affection and, well...

"We were just talking about what everyone is planning on doing in the future." Rose finally murmurs, trailing her fingers across the nape of Kanaya's neck. "Everyone seems to have some pretty good ideas."

"Why are they all leaving?" Kanaya's voice comes out much smaller than she wanted it to and she sounds almost painfully pathetic even to her own ears. "Don't any of them want to stay together?"

"It's been over two weeks Kanaya." Rose sighs, softly. "And I'm getting really quite worried about you. No one’s leaving yet but at least everyone is trying--"

"I have nothing to live for." Kanaya finds her voice for the first time in days and it's rough and shaky and it sounds alien to her ears. "I'm useless."

Rose rubs her back in small concentric circles. It's a gesture that would normally have Kanaya purring and squirming around under her blankets but right now it's just the most wonderful thing in the world because it feels nice to be touched.

"You're not useless, Kanaya. You're wonderful and intelligent and strong." Rose says, giving up all pretension of formality and curling up on top of the blankets next to her. "And I know it's hard but... but... you can't just give up."

"What can I do?"

"You can do anything you want, Kanaya. You're a god." Rose kisses her cheek. It's clumsy and awkward and it betrays their youth more than anything. "And I have faith in you, my darling."

"But..."

"So. I want you to take as much time as you need, Kanaya. Do what you need to until you feel like you're well enough to... _you know_... get going."

"I'm pathetic." Kanaya mumbles, pulling her knees to her chest. "You're just too kind to say so."

"No, Kanaya. You're not pathetic. You've lost more than anyone can imagine, and I understand how hard that is." Rose sounds so sweet and lovely and it's almost heartbreaking to hear in her voice how much she cares. "You need time."

"I'm just a waste of space."

"No, darling, that's where you're wrong," Rose kisses her again and this time catches her lips lightly. "You're the _Sylph_ of space."

For the first time in her recent memory, Kanaya laughs. 

Rose gives her a quick squeeze and slips off the bed. "There's tea on the bedside table. I'll be just down the hall if you need me."

She stops to pick her knitting up off the floor before slipping out the door. Lingering in the doorway, she fidgets with something inside her work bag and opens her mouth to say something-- then clearly thinks better of it. 

"Get some rest. And if you're feeling better--"

Kanaya lets out a whine and hides her face deeper in the mattress. She won't feel better. She's never going to feel better. There isn't anything in any of the known universes that could ever make things better, not even a perfect replica of Alternia complete with everyone alive because she'll always remember she'd lost it and--

"I mean. Just. If you feel like it maybe you could down to dinner? Just for a minute?" Rose pleads. 

Kanaya wants to say: 'I'll try, darling. Promise.' but even that's too much. She settles for remaining silent because if she doesn't say 'no' outright Rose can't be sad, right? 

Oh god she's pathetic. Can't even lift her head up long enough to give false hope to her girlfriend. If they're even dating because now Rose has millions of other amazing women she can date so why would she want a mutated freak of a girl from another galaxy? She's not even a troll. She's not even a vampire. Ugh. She's a stupid, mystical, surreal beast that should be put down because in this world she's not good for anything but taking up much needed air space.

It's not fair to Rose, really it isn't. Who wants to deal with any of this? No one. She's too useless to merit the effort. She should do the humane thing and spare Rose the indignity of having to cast her aside and tell her it's okay, she'll understand of Rose wants to call things off. 

But doing anything about that is also too much work. So she lets herself revel in the momentary fantasy that Rose still loves her and any moment now she'll come back to the room and kiss her out of the comatose state she can't seem to shake off.

 _Later_ , Kanaya thinks to herself, rolling onto her side and curling up tightly. _I'll go apologize to her later and maybe she'll remember why she loves me._

* * *

Kanaya knows she should get up. She knows she should. But it's hard. It's very hard. She does sit up enough to sip at her tea and nibble at the scone Rose left for her. Vriska stops in to say hello and it's not nearly as pleasant as cuddling up with Rose but it's nice to have her there all the same. Vriska cajoles her into holding an actual conversation about something senseless and then Kanaya sits up long enough to rest her head in Vriska's lap and say:

"Why are you leaving me?"

Vriska makes a strangled sound and wraps her arms around Kanaya's neck. "I'm no trying to leave you Kanaya. You're my moirail. I don't want to leave you, I just... I want to give this a try, you know? Help people instead of fucking with them."

"But I'll be all alone," Kanaya says in a tiny voice. "I'll have no one left."

Vriska snorts, dismissively. "Fuck that. You think Lalonde's going to leave you?"

"Who would want me."

"Uggghh Fussyfangs you're boring and stupid." Vriska jabs her in the ribs and rolls her eyes before hopping off the bed. "Stop moping and get your ass in gear."

"Charming, Vriska." 

Still, Vriska has a point. Kanaya snuggles up once more and then lets out a soft sigh. Okay. Maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow she'll get up. But not today. 

* * *

Rose wakes her up around seven by shaking her gently. 

"Kan. Kanaya." She's saying gently, her face scrunched up with worry. Kanaya opens her eyes with the fervent desire for all of this to be a nightmare. But she can't think that when she can smell Rose's perfume because if all of this was a nightmare Rose wouldn't be real.

"Yes?" She says, feebly, because maybe Rose will feel too bad to break up with her if she sounds like she's dying.

Rose gives her a wan smile at the flicker of life. She looks exhausted, and Kanaya wants to pull her in close and make things better, much better. Her eyes are ringed with shadows, her skin is paper pale and she looks like she's been crying. "Good morning, sleepyhead."

"It's not morning." Is all she can say, her voice dead even to her own ears. "It's night."

"Yes, I suppose." Rose says with a grimace, the slight sign of cheer in her eyes immediately slipping away. "But I figured, since you're nocturnal, um--"

"It's fine." Kanaya says, pulling the blankets up around her face once more. It's too hard to worry about Rose. It makes her brain feel like it's been encrusted in cotton wool and run through with shards of shattered mirrors. So she doesn't look at her. She doesn't worry. 

Rose sighs quietly. Kanaya knows she wasn't supposed to hear it, so she ignores it. There's an awkward silence but, well, Kanaya doesn't want to fill it. It's comfortable not having to talk. After what feels like weeks or days or years or seconds, Rose sits at the end of the bed. The mattress shifts beneath her and she lets out a noise of complaint. If she can't have anything from home, the least she deserves is a warm bed.

Well. It's not her bed, really. It's Rose's. But it's hers now. She needs something to call hers. She knows already that you can't call other humans 'hers' because that makes Rose mutter something about 'the patriarchy' and 'societal stereotypes' and 'chattel' and Kanaya feels like a terrible person when she says that so she's stopped saying Rose is hers. 

"Do you mind if I, um, sit here and knit?" Rose asks timidly. Kanaya's never heard her sound timid ever before. Not even the first time they kissed-- mostly because she was highly inebriated at the time. She knows that timid Rose is a very upset Rose and, well, that's bad. 

But she doesn't care right now. So she just shrugs and says: "I'll probably just be asleep."

"Oh. Okay. Well. Alright." 

Rose shifts around a little and Kanaya huffs because she's trying to sleep! But she settles in eventually and then, agonizingly, the clicking starts. The infinitesimal clicking. It goes on for several rows before it grates on her last nerve.

Kanaya ignores it until she can't take it anymore and then says:

"What are you making?"

Her needles stop for a split second and Kanaya wonders if she's smiling. "I'm working on a shawl."

"Oh. That's nice." Kanaya cuddles further into herself. "What kind?"

"Lace." The needles start up again but now Kanaya doesn't mind. "I've never done something like this before so... it's pretty hard."

"That's nice." Kanaya murmurs, yawning. Okay, so, well, she guesses she's being a little immature about this. The rhythmic clicking of bamboo is actually sort of... soothing.

"This reminds me of the first time you slept over." Kanaya says sleepily, wrapping her arms around her pillow. "Except you're too far away."

"Sorry, darling. I don't mean to be so inconsiderate." Rose snips back and Kanaya feels Rose's toes jab her in the ass. She squeaks and lifts her head long enough to bare her teeth. Rose giggles wickedly and Kanaya sticks out her tongue before she remembers that she's probably about to get dumped so it's just pathetic to be flirting. 

With her knitting still in her hands, Rose shifts her way up to the headboard. Kanaya gives her a small, tight smile and Rose beams in return. Kanaya's heart twinges tightly and she feels a bit of the iceberg that's locked up her soul beginning to melt away. 

Rose starts to knit again and Kanaya watches her, transfixed. Rose is working with yarn that's absolutely stunning. It's got the faintest sheen in the light radiating from Rose's dim bedside lamp and it looks like the world's most perfect shade of green. Kanaya can't really tell what it looks like and, while she'd never say it out loud, it looks like nothing more than a tangled mess. 

But she knows enough to lie. 

"It looks nice." Kanaya says softly, reaching up to tangle her fingers in the finished work. It's softer than a cloud and Kanaya purrs, appreciatively. "Feels nice."

"Not as nice as you." Rose counters and Kanaya giggles despite herself. 

"Flatterer." Kanaya says, closing her eyes and cuddling into her pillow once more. "Let me know when it's done."

"Oh." Rose says, quietly. "Oh. Okay. Sleep well."

"Sweet dreams, Miss Lalonde."

* * *

Kanaya doesn't get out of bed the next day. Or the one after that. Or the one after that. She wants too but... well... she can't. But Rose is always going in and out and Vriska will barely leave her on her own. The others stop by just as frequently, so she's not _alone_ , really. But she feels like it. 

Rose spends a few hours knitting with her every day. She sits next to her, propped up on one of the pillows. Sometimes she talks, sometimes she listens to music and sometimes she sits there in silence. Kanaya likes the company. Rose doesn't ask her to do anything, or say anything or make her pretend to be anything. 

She just wants her to smile. And that's enough pressure in and of itself. But she doesn't seem to mind if Kanaya doesn't do anything but rest her head in her lap and run her fingers over the yarn. 

"Is there anything I can do to help you, darling?" Rose asks again, on the afternoon of her eighteenth afternoon curled up in bed. "I'll do anything."

"No." Kanaya says, laughing softly as Rose trails the finished part of the shawl over her face. If Kanaya had showered recently she'd brush it aside, reach up and put her face directly on Rose's.

But instead of kissing her she takes her hand and squeezes it, softly. "Thank you for not leaving me."

"I'd never leave you." Rose says and her voice trembles with raw emotion. She swallows quickly and blinks furiously. "You have to know that, Kanaya. I'll never leave you."

"You don't know that."

"I was ready to die with you." Rose whispers, bending over her. Her hair covers her face and Kanaya reaches up with a shaky hand to tuck it behind her ears. "I was ready to spend the rest of eternity wandering the endless depths of broken universes with no one but you at my side and I never, ever, wanted anything else."

"You're lying."

"You know I'm not because I told you that much right before we took our final stand." Rose strokes her hair off her face and makes a frustrated sound. "And if I was willing to spend the rest of my death with you, I'm more than happy to spend the rest of my life with you."

Kanaya shakes her head and squeezes her eyes shut. "You don't have to now. You have a choice."

"And I still want you, you ridiculous glow in the dark pillock! What do I need to do to convince you?" She's not mad. Kanaya would prefer it if she was mad. She sounds a little bemused, to be quite honest. "Who in the world could compete with a rainbowdrinking goddess who can breed universes and rip apart the fabric of the universe itself?"

"A nice human girl who won't accidentally impale you when you're kissing."

"What's the use of being a god if you can't abuse your immortality?" Rose teases and-- oh gog-- she bends down to kiss her. On the lips this time. It's the first time they've kissed since they ended up stuck here on earth and it feels good. It feels really good. Kanaya lets Rose kiss her, doing her best to ignore the fact that Rose is upside down and she hasn't brushed her teeth in eighteen days and they're possibly the galaxy's worst paired couple. 

"Now, are you going to stop moping?" Rose asks, nipping lightly at her lower lip. Kanaya shows her fangs and Rose blushes a bright pink that makes Kanaya laugh. She's startled at the sound. 

_Too_ startled at the sound. She sighs, heavily and gives Rose her best smile. "Maybe tomorrow?"

Rose looks crushed. 

It's not a good feeling. At all. Rose sighs and bundles up her knitting. She wants to roll out of her bed and throw her arms around Rose's waist and say she's sorry but, well. 

She's not. 

So Rose slips out of the room without saying goodbye. Kanaya knows it's not a rejection because, well. Rose loves her. A lot. 

But it still hurts. So she curls back up under the duvet and cries.

* * *

She falls asleep before Rose comes back into the room. She knows this because when she wakes up at five fifty-three to the sound of rumbling thunder, she sees Rose asleep on the window seat, half-covered by a worn looking quilt. 

Kanaya sits up enough to catch a glimpse of the lightning outside. It's a strangely comforting thing to see and it makes her perk up for the first time in, well... almost twenty days.

She swings her feet out of the bed, fighting past a pile of blankets, to place her feet on the floor. It's not that hard to see in the dark, but she rests her hand on the nightstand for guidance anyways.

There's something unexpected there in the form of a pile of flush knitting. Kanaya blinks down at it, confused. There's a not attached to the top, tucked in beneath a carefully tied bit of ribbon.

She reads it distractedly, half paying-attention to the words there that say something about 'missing you', 'worried', 'cheer up' and instead focuses on the thing of beauty curled in her fingers.

It's the shawl that Rose has been knitting every day during her bedside vigil, the beautiful green mishmash of yarn transformed into a diaphanous, lacy shawl. The stitches have been worked so delicately that, as Kanaya unfolds it, she can hardly believe it doesn't tear. It's a breathtaking work of art, considering that she saw Rose knit it up with her own two hands. 

It's worked through with a floral motif and all that Kanaya can think is the fact that it's a rose lace shawl put together with her blood color and, well, she wants to cry because that is ridiculously thoughtful and more than a little cheesy. She wants to ask Rose if she'd somehow surreptitiously discovered the fact that it's traditional in Alternian society to make proposals by working your blood color with your partner's symbol. Then again, Rose knows everything so Kanaya won't put it past her. 

It's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. As she shakes it out over her bed she immediately notices a few snags and at least one place where a stitch was dropped and picked up later. But it is beautiful. It's a colossal thing, and it feels cool and soft beneath her fingers. 

It's the perfect shade of green and Kanaya wants to run over to Rose and shake her awake and cuddle up next to her and thank her properly. But she supposes that wouldn't go over very well considering the time of day. Instead she settles for wrapping it around her shoulders and rubbing her cheek against it. 

She can't stop smiling. She's blushing, she can feel it, and her glow is making a reappearance and she's probably going to wake Rose up if she gets any brighter but... 

Kanaya sighs, wistfully, and begins to wonder what she can do to thank her properly. Sew her something, perhaps? There must be a sewing machine somewhere around here and--

It feels good to be excited. Kanaya rubs at her cheeks and huffs, softly. It's silly and more than a little stupid to get so happy just at such a small, silly little thing. 

But it's not small, and it's certainly not silly. She knows what had to go into this, countless hours and thousands upon thousands of stitches. She herself hasn't even managed to finish a simple scarf and this is, well... 

This is clearly a bribe. But she's going to take it because she'll be damned if she lets so much effort go to waste.

* * *

Rose's closet is in the little corridor that leads to her bathroom. Kanaya eases the door open and without much dithering chooses a dress. They're all black, so her choice isn't difficult. This one in particular has a gorgeous lace overlay and these darling little cap sleeves and it might not exactly be suitable for wandering around the house but, really, there's always an occasion to look high-class. 

She manages to find a pair of black ballet pumps, too, which makes her almost sparkle (Rose stirs slightly which makes her abate her brightness a little bit). 

Rose's bathroom is a little disheveled but not remarkably dirty. Kanaya manages to find a towel that looks clean and quickly kicks off her rather rank pajamas, a long t-shirt borrowed from Roxy, and sets to discovering the intricacies of Rose's shower. 

The shower isn't very nice-- it's old and worn looking and really could use a good updating-- but it works and it's clean. She scrubs her hair fervently with some of Rose's shampoo and leaves some conditioner soaking before setting to scrubbing herself down with what appears to be... rose scented body wash. Categorizing this under her mental file of ‘facts to use against Rose in domestic battles’ she giggles and continues her ablutions. 

There's a lot of things strewn about the room that she's not entirely sure about the use of. There's a lot of things advertising something about a clearer complexion, which doesn't make much sense, and a bizarre amount of razors and it's just a little disconcerting at how little storage the place has but... it feels good to be clean, no matter what planet she's on. 

The water is hot. Seriously hot. And she's in heaven until someone flushes a toilet and the water goes ice cold. She doesn't scream because that would wake Rose up but she does swear to herself that she will find out who did id and she will kill them. 

She slips out of the shower and into her borrowed clothes. Rose's dress is a little too big on her because Kanaya was tall and lean to begin with and now she's getting close to what Vriska keeps saying is 'too fucking skinny, Maryam.'. And while Rose is... just... well... absolutely breathtaking and a complete paragon of femininity, she is a little better endowed. 

Which is, well, fantastic. No complaints whatsoever. Kanaya pulls her new shawl around her shoulders and holds it close to her nose. It smells just like Rose's perfume and she lets out an instinctive smile. Rose's vanity is strewn with makeup and Kanaya rifles through it, slowly. 

She can't use her foundation. That would be stupid. She doesn't need it either, but she does avail herself of a stick of black eyeliner and a tube of sangria red lipstick she manages to unearth from one of the drawers.

(She's stolen one of Rose's bras. And a pair of her underwear. The use of her makeup is hardly going to be a point of contention.)

Rose's bedroom is still dark when she ducks back into it. Rose has kicked off her quilt and Kanaya stoops to pick it up and wrap it around her shoulders. She plucks one of the pillows off the bed and slips it beneath her head. Rose stirs slightly and Kanaya shushes her. 

She sinks back into sleep easily. Kanaya smiles and stoops down to kiss her temple, leaving behind a clear lip print. She pulls the sheets off of the bed she's been curled up in for most of three weeks because those are absolutely disgusting at this point. She stuffs them into the laundry hamper she'd found in the closet. 

The first closet she peeks into in the hallway is, thankfully, the linen closet and she makes up the bed with more than a little difficulty because honestly isn't it a little silly to think it's practical to sleep under so many varieties of cloth that are, inevitably, going to fall off? But she supposes its customary and, well, she can learn to live with it.

Plus, over time she's begun to develop a rather marked fondness for the silly thing. It is rather comfortable. Far more comfortable, in fact, than lying in a pile of fabric bolts and knitting. And if she can say so without being distasteful, far more conducive to romance. 

The route to the main stairs is easy enough to find. She just follows the plethora of obnoxious wizard statues until the finds the steps then takes them down to the first floor. It's an open concept, just like she recollects and the kitchen is right there in the open. 

The house is silent even though she knows there's about twenty people holed up inside of it. She puts the kettle on the stove without thinking too hard about it because, well, some things are the same in any universe. 

She rifles through the cabinets until she finds the tea, and then rifles through more cabinets until she discovers the mugs. Along the way she finds enough pancake mix to feed a small army and what seems to be a rather obscene amount of vodka secreted away. She puts the vodka back where she'd found it, but keeps the pancake mix.

The kettle's screeching before she knows it and then she's sitting at the kitchen island with a steaming mug in hand. It's a nice feeling. Total silence, total peace-- it's lovely. Very lovely. 

She finishes her tea blissfully. Oh goodness she's forgotten about the smaller pleasures in day to day life. Like having a cup of tea. And... oh god. She twitches, twice.

She can finally host a proper brunch. 

* * *

When everyone finally wakes up and straggles into the kitchen, Kanaya's not entirely sure what she's done but she knows everything looks delicious. There's enouch pancakes to feed an army, garnished with perfect swirls of powdered sugar and whipped cream. She'd cut up several boxes of strawberries and somehow she'd figured out a way to make crepes. She's not sure if she did it on purpose or if they're mutant pancakes, but, well, no one should complain. She'd mixed up enough batter to make dozens of muffins and they're just coming out of the oven when--

"Kanaya?"

"Good morning Rose!" She says with a grin bigger than she's worn in weeks. Years, really, because when you're on a meteor being chased through space waiting for your imminent demise there's not much to rejoice about. 

Okay she takes that back. She's grinning like she hasn't since the first time she saw Rose with her own two eyes, or like the first time they kissed (and she was sober) or when she realized they weren't dead--

And instead of saying anything practical she all but throws her baking onto the countertop and throws herself into Rose's arms. Rose squeaks and stumbles back but she catches her perfectly fine and then Kanaya's kissing her this time, fingers buried in her hair and her teeth more than a little insistent about getting her tongue access to Rose's mouth. Rose kisses her back just as warmly and she holds her so close that Kanaya can feel how warm she really is. 

Kanaya doesn't ever want to stop kissing her because there's so much she wants to say to Rose. So much she wants to tell her, so many words she wants to give back to her girlfriend, her matesprit, her beloved goddess-- okay that's turning into purple prose stop that Kanaya.

But she assumes Rose knows what she means because they're both crying now. Kanaya pulls back just a little so that their foreheads brush and Rose laughs a little and reaches up to cup her chin in her hands. Kanaya nuzzles into her touch with a relieved sigh and says:

"You're amazing. You're just-- Rose-- I can't even-- darling, I love you so much and-- I'm so sorry and--"

"No, no--" Rose starts to protest but Kanaya's kissing her again and it feels good. They kiss until they're interrupted by a sudden interjection of:

"No shit, someone made muffins!?!" And Kanaya has to turn and snap:

"You can't have those until you've eaten some fruit Vriska, what have I told you about a balanced diet?" and Vriska's so startled to see her that she drops an entire tray of muffins onto the kitchen floor. 

Kanaya sighs and ushers her into a chair, passing her a plate and ignoring her bewildered grumbling as she nibbles. Rose has found herself a seat on the granite countertop beside the coffee machine and Kanaya shuffles over to her and rests her hands on either side of Rose's hips. 

Rose looks beautiful in the morning light, her hair a bright white gold and her eyes a brilliant violet. Kanaya kisses a trail up her jaw and then moves to her neck and doesn't need to say a word because Rose says:

"Apology accepted. Just don't scare me like that ever again."

And Kanaya pulls the shawl off her shoulders and throws it around Rose, pulling it close so that they can kiss. Their teeth knock together and Rose pulls back to go: 'ow Kan!' and she doesn't apologize because, well, things happen. 

"I love you." She whispers and smiles. Rose leans into her touch as she reaches up to caress her cheek. Against the skin of her cheek Rose’s eyelashes are almost silver and it's breathtaking how much like a porcelain doll she is. "I love you to the stars and back, you gorgeous little albino drama queen. Even if you are a fleshy meat bag."

Rose laughs, thankfully, and wraps her legs around Kanaya's waist. Kanaya welcomes her touch this time and trills softly when Rose digs her thumb into her pulse. "And I love you, you ridiculously skinny sparkling vampire queen. Even if you are a ridiculously hard-skinned bridge guard."

"And I hate you both, fucking disgusting bitches." Vriska grumbles, yanking Kanaya out of Rose's embrace to get at the coffee machine. "Fuck get a room you two, gog."

It's not a fairytale. It's not perfect. It's not what she dreamed of. She'll never have a home, she'll never remember what the in god's name a whisk is used for and she'll never recollect how the hell she's meant to properly court a human girl. But she's got a place to live, she's got something to do and-- well-- she's got a beautiful woman in her arms to love until the world falls apart around them. A beautiful woman who can knit a lace shawl like it's a finger-painting and use words like they're sabers.

And, well--

"Now that you have a spare moment-- when's the last time you considered remodeling your bathroom? Because I really think things might look far better if you put in a skylight and considered retiling your shower--"

And Rose starts to laugh hysterically. Vriska laughs too and jabs her in the back and leans over her shoulder and whispers:

"Good to have you back, Fussyfangs."

Then Rose shoves her away with one of her slippered feet and they start bickering and Kanaya smiles, again, because, it sure as hell isn't perfect but then again, things never were.


End file.
